I was raised a "pagan" and living by they're ways for 22 years. Having an alcohol, drug abusing father who was also physically abusive and a mother who could really care less at the time and a sister who was the "favorite" seems to have made things even worse.

I grew up in the foot-steps of my father, loving motorcycles ,getting tattoos, and loving my pot and rum! At the age of 17 I got married to a man in the Navy who was a younger version of my father. Always drunk and always abusive. After 2 years of being married to him (together for 5 years) I finally gave up, I could not handle him always eating acid and drinking. My body was to sore from the abuse.

I moved to Miami with my "new man". Our lives seemed to be filled with the same garbage! All the while I am practicing my "pagan" ways and abiding by their laws. Nothing was changing! "My new man" also turned out to be abusive though he was less of a drinker and NOT an acid eater! The cost of living was to high there so we figured moving home to Ohio would help financially and mentally. We were wrong. The abuse got worse and then to top it all off I was now pregnant! "I hope she is a girl so I can show her the ways of all the females on my mother's side" , I always said that! The abuse continued and even worsened, I became deaf in my left ear, my wrist was broken and my spine was a mess! Just to name a few.

We always thought geographical location was our problem! HA! Many times I left this man and then got back together with him thinking that he had himself under control now. Things continued just the same even with a beautiful healthy little baby girl with us. Then I became pregnant again, and things still had not changed. After she was born he swore to me that he had changed and treated me like gold. The next incident was the worst, that is when I got the broken up body! I left this time for good.
He was on his way to God, while I was on my way to hell with my "paganism". His life got better, I saw him controlling himself (believe me, I tested him!), and I saw the love inside of him growing! I was still unconvinced. I got a job bartending, making good money and having a social life to die for. I thought things were great, then I was raped, had to quit my job (he was a regular there) and stepped back to see what was going on with my girl's. Ooohh... their lives were in shambles. Only 2 and 3, but yet miserable as could be. This is not right I told myself. They were growing up too fast! In the foot-steps of all the females in my mother's side. Is this what I wanted?

I was so confused I decided to try to go to church with the girl's father. No, not for me I said (this was Wednesday night). I came home and prayed forgiveness to my imaginary God's. Things in my life got worse and all I could feel was a nagging on my heart to go to a different church. Sunday I called Ty and said I was ready to go again. He took me to his regular church and the Pastor called for people who wanted Christ in they're lives. We looked at each other and I said "no way, not for me buddy!". The next thing I know I am saying this in my head as my feet were carrying me up to the alter! Louis held my hand's and prayed for me. The immediate feeling of peace, serenity, contentment and the guilt of my life was lifted away from me. I heard "you are my child and I will take care of you" in my head and tear's came rolling! At one point I looked about me and everybody was surrounding me praying and crying for me! I wish I had the word's for the way I felt, but they would be nothing but a understatement!

There is NO drug in this world that can do this except the grace of God. You see, the whole time I was praying to false god's and living in sin, God had not left me, He had not given up on me! He knew what I would do! And to top this off He had much bigger plans in mind! To build a church from bottom up in His name and to start our lives over again with His guidance! Every morning I wake up and praise our Lord with the blessing He has given me of flute music! He has changed our lives 10 times over! No more abuse, no anger, no drugs, alcohol, no confusion.

You see, if God can soften the heart of a "pagan of 22 years" and take all the pain and suffering away what could he do for you? This is not religion, it is a relationship, ask Him He will help, call to Him and He will answer, plead to Him and He will resolve. I am not saying He will do it alone, you need to have an open heart and accept that He is the Lord. There is but one God out there and it is not the dark God's. No, it is God the creator He is the One! I see Him working every minute of the day in my life, my children's lives, and Ty's life. Give Him an honest chance. You will feel Him and know He is there. No matter what you have done in the past!