My family never had a college graduate. I would give anything
to graduate from college. I then thought that if I graduated from law
school, they could never take it away from me. Then I thought that if
I passed the bar exam, that would be a genuine milestone.
On and on I went, looking for security and fulfillment in tomorrows.
First it was "if only" I could become a state Deputy Attorney
General, then win a trial before a jury, next an appellate case, and
finally, it was if I could only win before the U.S. Circuit Court of
Appeals, then the United States Supreme Court. If only I could be a
partner in a respectable law firm. If only I could become Vice President
and General Counsel of that major insurance company. And all the while,
like at a county fair, where the shill takes all your money by focusing
your eye on the wrong moveable object, I lost sight of where my heart
was. Lying, I call it advocacy for my clients. Cheating, I became proud
of my "clever" tactics. Stealing, I rationalized my "professionalism".
Stepping on people, I began to feel the need for drink, for deviation
from society's morals. I sought to fill the void I felt with membership
in a satanic cult, that promised to make me rich and famous. [I never
stopped to think that this was not a goal that Jesus would inspire.]
When I realized I was teamed up with Satan, I cried out as Peter did
when he began to sink. "Lord, help me!" And he did, with a
genuine "Road to Damascus" experience, removing me from the
cult, and glorious. My heart seeks only Him, today, and He gives me
victory in all my life, family, marriage, kids, and relationships with
others.
My road to Damascus experience was heavenly. It touched my heart. When
I boldly chose to follow the Lord, and all seemed stacked against me
[the cult having all my money, my wife, and my son] the heavens did
open. I spent a period that day truly knowing all, knowing God and knowing
that only Jesus could be my Saviour. I could see. I could hear. I had
understanding and knew what I had to do, that day I was on the mountaintop.
He brought me there.
The important thing was that God revealed Himself to me in a very real
and very personal way - so as to repave a faith that had gotten confused.
Now I had focus. I was able to say the right words to touch the heart
of my wife - and a mediocre marriage has been genuinely blessed.
I abandoned lying, cheating and stealing and now find myself consulted,
privately, by leaders in our City. Leaders of government and pastors.
The Lord has blessed me with a ministry of Bible Studies in nursing
homes and retirement centers and with directing the Jesus Video Project
in our County. I can hardly begin to recount, even sing, what He has
done in my life.
I lived on high six figures a year. I had three homes, five cars, a
boat and sulky kids. I always spent about $25,000 more than I made.
Today, I work hard, but live on social security, in a rental home of
about 1,200 sq. ft., filled with love. Today, I Iv'e in the Promised
Land - in victory and joy - and as God told us in Deut. 11:11, it is
a land of hills and valleys. But the joy remains.
The peace abounds. I have no money in my pocket, no fear over Y2K but
every need of mine and my family is met by Him.
Lee Holley
holleyfm@cdsnet.net
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