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My name is Lori Marie Rooffener.
I'm 27 years old and a mother of three children. I was raised
in a single parent home. My mother was an abusive, depressed, alcoholic
raising two children by herself.
At the age of 14, I joined a Mexican gang. I began using drugs for fun.
Soon it became my addiction. I married a drug dealer who supplied my
habit up until our arrest. On March 14, 1994, my house was raided. Three
kinds of drugs and guns were found in our home. I was arrested on 14
different counts of drug trafficking.
I was a 24-year old woman, lost, with no direction. I sat in an Oklahoma
County Jail cell crying over what my life had become. The guilt and
shame of my sinful life controlled all my thoughts. I felt hopeless
and just wanted to die.
One morning I woke up and decided that I had to make a choice. Either
I would choose to live and change my life, or choose to die and take
my life. I got on my knees in my cell and asked God if He would forgive
me for all the things I had done, and help me to change my life. I made
a commitment that day to never turn back. I began to read my Bible and
to do bible studies offered through the County Jail Chaplain's Office.
For the first time in my life God became real to me. As I began to walk
in fellowship with Christ, God began to change me.
After 17 months in County Jail they dropped 7 counts of drug trafficking.
It was hard to see God's hand in the situation because I was still left
with 7 other counts that carry 10 years to life on each count. I became
depressed and asked God to help me deal with what I was about to face.
When I took my eyes off the situation and kept them focused on Him,
things began to change. I went to court and was sentenced to 15 years
on each count in the department of corrections. But praise God, Each
sentence ran concurrently.
For three years, God has kept His hands on me during my incarceration.
I was sent to a prison that held church services every night. God has
blessed me to meet wonderful, God fearing people. He has taught me a
lot about who He is, and what I am. Being a Christian did not come easy
for me. I had a lot of old garbage to get rid of. However, today I know
my purpose in life. That purpose is to tell other prisoners my experience,
and bring someone into the family that I now have in Christ.
My name is Deitdra Arbertha.
I was born in Oklahoma City, Feb. 25, 1965. I am now 38 years old. I
have lived a good and a bad life. This is my testimony while I'm in
prison.
I was born to Simon and Sharon Arbertha. I have three brothers, David,
Kelley, and Rickey. I left home at the age of 14 of my own choice. I
have been on my own since then. I quit school in the 10th grade because
I thought I knew it all. I got married at the age of 19 and that's when
my son James came along. Things weren't really that bad for me then,
but there was on important thing missing (Jesus). Because I know Jesus
I have had a spiritual guidance in my life from the age of 12 to 14.
My father's second wife was a very good Christian person and was a great
encouragement for me. At the age of 21, I left my first husband even
though he was a good man. I thought I was missing something like freedom
to do as I wanted to. If only I knew what I know now. That's when my
life began to go down hill. I started out using marijuana and smoking
cigarettes and hanging out with the wrong people that didn't mean me
any good.
Then at the age of 25, the drug habit got bigger. At first, it was primos
and drinking like crazy. And to top it all off, I got a bingo habit
too. I really had it bad. This went on for about 2 years then I started
on the pipe with crack cocaine. I stopped caring about myself and anyone
else, family, good friends and good men. And the most important person
in my life, James Arbertha I lost as well. I did all kinds of crazy
stuff, I stole, robbed, sold myself, lied, cheated, and you name it.
The only thing I didn't do was to kill. But the bible says that there
is no sin greater than the next.
At the age of 27, I started getting into trouble with the law. I was
going in and out of jail. Then at age 30, I got some prison time for
drugs; 5 in and 5 out. I turned my life over then, but I played church
because my heart wasn't in it. I wanted the blessing, but not the Blesser,
and the Blesser is what we really need more than the blessing. I got
out and wanted my own way, thinking I could do it on my own. After He
blessed me like He did I spent only one month in prison in 1995. I prayed
and prayed Lord please let me go home and that's what I got in return.
I made some very bad mistakes in my life and I blame myself for my own
choices I made because I know deep down it didn't have to be like that.
Because we serve a good God all the time and all He wants is a relationship
with us.
So I ended back in prison again in 1996 which where I am right now.
And I know the Lord didn't put me in prison because He's not that kind
of God. But I count it all joy, because this time in I'm doing things
differently. I am getting to know Him with all my heart, body and soul.
He has been good to me all the time through my bad and good. And this
last 1-½ years he has done miracles in my life and my husbands'
life. He has kept my marriage together and restored my family back.
My mother, who didn't write at first, writes me now. Praise the Lord.
And I'm not praying just to go home, I'm praying for His will to be
done in my life, because when He does it His way I will be free indeed.
I will not have to look at these prison doors again and I will be a
living testimony he wants me to be for people who may go through what
I've been through. The joy I have now is beyond my comprehension. I
see a brand new miracles coming to me. Jesus is the most wonderful thing
that has happened to me. Keep praying for all my loved ones and me and
I will do the same. God bless you.
Your sister in Christ, Deitdra Arbertha
My name is Buddy Fesmire and I'm a convicted murderer.
I came to prison Thirty years ago at the age of 18, sentenced to die
in the electric chair. After a night of drugs and alcohol, with my heart
full of hatred, I murdered my father, my brother , and a high school
friend.
As I put these words to paper I am finally at peace with myself, a peace
which comes from my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
For the past thirty years of my life I ran wild in prison, full of hate
and guilt, a man unfearing of death and eager to embrace it.
I have looked into the cold and uncaring eyes of Cain, I also murdered
my brother.
I spent twenty-six years behind the high walls of the maximum security
prison in McAlester, Oklahoma, the first five of those years on death
row. On two different occasions I came within one day of being executed.
For those twenty-six years I climbed the violent steps in prison society
to finally become one of its most violent and feared members.
Almighty God is alive and full of love and mercy, for He reached into
the very jaws of hell, pulled me back onto my feet and placed me on
solid ground. For thirty years I washed my hands in the hottest water
I could stand, even soaked them for hours in pure bleach, but never
was I able to wash away the blood from my hands; Yet with one Word Jesus
Christ washed me clean and set me free.
I had gone to the chapel that night to visit with some old friends.
Two of them were ex-cons who were now in the ministry, men I had used
drugs with and been in violent acts with behind the walls of "
Big Mac," in McAlester.
I saw a very strange look in their eyes that I had never seen before;
the old look of fear and hopelessness wasn't there anymore, and I wanted
to know why. As we walked to the chapel, they spoke to me about Jesus
and what miracles He had done in their lives; but in me was the fear
that God would not forgive me; because I was a murderer many times over,
I was Cain. As I sat there in the chapel I was unaware of what the preacher
was saying, for my heart was crying out to God and the pain was more
than I could bear. "You're no good; God doesn't want you; you killed
you're father and brother; there is no forgiveness for you." Even
as these words rolled through my mind, I heard a voice in my heart,
"Come home, son, I have always loved you."
As we all stood to sing, "Amazing Grace," all around me men
were singing, unaware of the war raging within me. "Come home,
son, I've always loved you," "You're no good; there's no forgiveness
for men like you," said another voice. Gently the Lord was calling
me home, but Satan held on tight, and I was afraid to take that first
step. As I stood there afraid and unsure of what to do, Almighty God
hauled off and kicked me squarely in the seat of my pants. Like one
shot out of a cannon, I ran to the altar and fell to my knees. The tears
came out like a flood, and I cried out the pain, fear, grief and guilt
that I had carried around for forty-seven years. As I knelt there before
the altar crying my heart out to God, my old friends and new brothers
in Christ gathered around me, and as voices rose to heaven, God heard
every one, and I know the angels were rejoicing, for a son had come
home. When I stood up from the altar, I was empty of all the filth within
me, and God was filling me with his love and mercy. As I took a step
back from the altar my foot touched something and I fell against the
side of the chapel. I looked down to see what had tripped me, and what
I saw was Buddy Fesmire lying there. Yes, my body was lying there before
the altar, old and wrinkled, covered with scars and filth, open sores
that reeked of the stench of hell; but it was the old Buddy lying there
before me.
As I stood there staring at what I had been, in my heart I heard the
voice of God say, "What you were is gone forever. I cast it forever
from me." Slowly that which was once me began to disappear. I was
really free.
There is forgiveness and mercy for all who call upon the name of the
Lord, for I am proof of that. I ran for forty-seven years from God,
sure that He could never forgive me, a murderer, a man who carried the
mark of Cain. Yet in a small prison chapel, I found forgiveness. I can
say with Paul, in 1 Timothy 1:15. I am the chief sinner, yet in God,
I found forgiveness and mercy and became a new creature in Christ, ready
and willing to take up the cross and follow my Lord Jesus Christ.
Yes for my crimes against society, I may die an old man in prison, but
I stand with the Lord as a member of his church, freed of the past and
assured of eternal life. My name is written in the Book of Life, and
no man can mark out my name, for Christ is in me; old things are passed
away; all things are become new.
Three times a loser, now forever a winner
I am a 43 year old Woman but I've been down roads most men would not
enter into. I learned to work on cars so that I could steal them, then
tear them down and sell them. I was one of the best theives in town.
It wasn't beneath me to set fire to a drerssing room, so that I could
get a rack of leather coats out the door.
Ounces of dope and illegal weapons were a way of life. All of it was
a play thing to me. Nothing meant anything to me. I I thought the neatest
thing about being a woman was that I could wear a dress and high heels
up to a house ...Kick a door open better than most men and take everything
of value. If any one walked by. I acted like "your friendly avon
lady."
Armed robbery was also one of my weaknesses. I wanted so much in so
little time. I thought "I love being a woman" but emotions
were something I did not show. I was the backbone of my family. If they
needed something, I got it. If anyone bothered them I stopped that too.
"TAG," you're it was my motto with an AXE HANDLE. I've been
shot, stabbed and beat up so bad, my head was shaved...to be sown up
and you couldn't tell what I looked like. 'yep," I was real tough
on the streets. This now makes my fourth time to prison. I didn't say
I was smart, "just tough!"
My first husband was shot and died in my arms at a club. My second husband
got 100 years for armed robbery. I told my third husband to, "stick
with me and we'll go places!" We were married 27 days when we were
arrested and he is already serving 10 years for this arrest. I came
in the county jail hating everything that breathed. How unfair for them
to put a Crimestoppers Reward out on me. You can probably guess who
collected the reward on me. Yes, my best friend ! The one that'll stick
by you through thick and thin. "Ha!"
The D.A. offered me life without parole. I was not a happy camper. When
I got into the cell block that first day, a friend of mine was sitting
with a woman who had been in jail(here) for 2 1/2 years. I asked her, "How do you get through it?" She (Jackie) pointed upward.
Good deal, I thought, someone upstairs had some dope and cigarettes.
She then said she meant God. I shot away from her like Superman's mate.
I sure didn't need a "bible thumper" around bothering me.
My friend kept hanging around with her so I was stuck, sitting with
this "Jesus freak."
One day they said the Chaplain was there to counsel with this Preacher
Girl(Jackie). When I looked to see who it was there stood an old 1970's
running buddy of mine, Carl Dutton. But they said a chaplain? "
surely not!" "O well," I thought, ... "Carl,"
I said, "Let's talk." When he pulled me out of the pod I thought,
"...Things are looking up, I'll get him to do all kinds of stuff
for me." The list was endless starting with a cigerette. We talked
for a while and ol' Carl just didn't seem the same as I remembered.
He kept talking to me about how happy he was since Jesus came into his
life. I felt sorry for him, I thought, "Something must have really
happened to this ol' boy. He probably got hit in the head while he was
in prison." He was talking all this God stuff. I didn't even ask
for my long list of favors. He had enough problems, poor guy.
Later on I broke a rule and got locked down for thirty days. As I sat
there thinking about my life and the fact that I had only been out of
prison for 364 days at the time of my arrest. I knew I was going back
to prison and I felt hopeless. The tears started flowing and I got on
my knees and I begged God to help me. I could not face all of this alone. "Please God do something before I go insane." Once again I
was moved and I was placed in a double cell with the Preacher Girl,
Jackie. I immediately told her that I did not want to hear any of that
Jesus stuff and she left me alone. I tried to read the bible but it
seemed like a foreign language to me. I could not stand Jackie's silence
so I began to ask her questions because she seemed so happy. "
What happens when you get saved?" ..."Where do you do it at
and who all is there?" I asked. She got me an appointment with
Carl Dutton. "O Boy, here was poor ol' Carl Dutton again."
This time I went in thinking ...about Jesus... Not a cigarette. The
more I listened to poor ol' Chaplain Carl Dutton the more sense he was
making. Before I knew it He...led me in the sinners prayer. I wasn't
sure what to expect after that. I hurried back to my cell and looked
in the mirror. I looked the same, no glow or anything. I thought, "I
may need to pray about this." I wasn't sure how to pray.
I finally learned that prayer comes from the heart if you want God to
hear it. While doing my bible studies I find myself praying a lot during
the day. I don't feel so alone anymore. I've been sentenced to thirty
five years. I've walked in every kind of life except to walk with Jesus
Christ. I feel that to walk with Jesus will be my, " FIRST VICTORY!"
"ITS AWESOME!" I FEEL THAT HE HAS BEEN WAITING ON ME ALL MY
LIFE. "The peace within, that I have never known...I am finally
finding...just to realize that I am worth saving ...that Jesus will
be with me...night and day...no matter what prison cell or other part
of the world I may be in ...is the biggest comfort of all. I will never
feel worthless or alone again. I have found true love and a friend in
Jesus! AMEN.
Editor's note: Jackie who helped Carol has enrolled many prisoners in
our free correspondence bible studies. Carol is enrolled too. Carol
is now serving a new 35 year sentence.
Her address is: Carol Austin. #12733
P.O.Box 11492 Oklahoma City, OK 73136
I am sure she would welcome your letters.
She needs all the encouragement she can get.
Jackie is still awaiting trial. Her address is:
Jackie Hathcox 201 N. Shartel Oklahoma City, OK 73102
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