A Matter of Life & Death
by Chaplain Bill
(former policeman)

Introduction

This testimony was not intended to offend anyone. Sadly some, anti-police and anti-Christ coalitions have publicly protested my testimony in the city council chambers, where I worked as a police officer. I am a Christian, and I do not apologize for my testimony, I only regret the public animosities. This testimony is to share with you how the Lord has delivered me from my dark past, and sustained me through many officer involved shootings, as well as other tragedies in my life; from the Hollenbeck Division riots, to the LA riots. May the Lord Jesus receive all the praise and glory, for the protection of our Nation, and it's communities; through it's metropolitan police soldiers.

A shooting, is a terrible event to have to experience; The police officer who is forced to shoot another suffers tremendously; physiologically, emotionally, mentally, physically and even spiritually. I also continue to pray for those that I have been forced to harm, and pray to never be placed into that terrible situation ever, ever again.

It was November 1991. I was on patrol in the city of Los Angeles when I noticed a group of five gang members acting suspiciously in a church parking lot. It was noontime and many people were outdoors. Within the next few seconds I found myself in a gun battle for my life.

My past
Unfortunately, years prior to that aforementioned shooting, I was not a Christian. As a matter of fact, I was a self rightness police officer. Pardon my 'police jargon', but after all... I wasn't the 'dirt Bag' sitting in the back seat of my patrol car. The pride and self righteousness that comes along with the badge and the gun failed me to forget; That I too had had been arrested in 1978, and sat in the back seat of a patrol car. I too was arrested and booked into San Bernardino County jail.

But later after my conversion to Jesus Christ, I as a born-again Christian police officer, realized that I too was also a dirt bag. A spiritual dirt bag. In God's mind; I was a felon, a convict, a sinner who refused to repent, a 'spiritual criminal' in the eyes of the Lord. Why? Because I had not repented from my sins, or confessed them to the Lord Jesus Christ (1st John 1:9.) While yet I was still a sinner, Jesus Christ died for me, He died for you to. Jesus loved me so, but I still didn't want Him. You see in the eyes of the Lord I was guilty! As I sat in the front seat of my patrol car, I had the same in common with the bad guy in the back seat. I too needed a Savior. Because of my own sins, I deserved death, judgment and worse than jail... I deserved hell.

As a child, I was raised in a good home. As a family I was raised as a Catholic, and we went to the Catholic church regularly. However, my belief in God was limited to the basic fact of His existence.

In 1986, my wife separated and eventually she divorced me. This brought me to the realization that I was not the man I should be.

Suicidal tendencies
I was distraught and desperate over this unwanted divorce. I had listened to the devil, and he convinced me that it just wasn't worth living anymore. I began taking severely unreasonable risks hoping to be 'Killed in the Line of Duty.' That did not happen, so I planned my own suicide. Although I was so full of despair, that committing suicide would have not been good enough (so I thought.)

At that time I was a Los Angeles police officer. I actually planned (in my mind) how I would commit a controversial suicide while on duty as an LAPD cop.

You ask "why would I share this over the www?" Because if my confession saved just one live, then being embarrassed was well worth it. One year within the LAPD, we lost 12 officers to suicide. Most of them ate their own gun.

Friend takes me to a Christian church
About that same time I had planned this terrible event, a friend invited me to attend a Church. I accepted that invitation, after all I was desperate. This nondenominational Christian church was a Bible teaching church. I had heard the Gospel of Jesus Christ for the very first time. The Word of God was taught in a way that I was finally able to understand it. That night, I asked Jesus Christ to come into my life. Jesus took away those suicidal thoughts. I now had a reason to live.

Although I continued to go to church, I then later continued doing a lot of things that I had done before accepting the Lord. I wanted to be able to say I was a Christian, but, at the same time I was unwilling to give up my sin. I still wanted to party, get drunk, fornicate and do whatever seemed fun at the time. In other words, the word repentance wasn't yet a regular part of my vocabulary.

I became a hypocritical backslidden Christian
I did exactly what Jesus warned about in Mark chapter 4. In that passage (the parable of the sower) Jesus said that some people would receive the word of God, and begin to follow the Lord. But because they were not grounded on the solid rock of Jesus Christ, they would soon fall away.

Jesus warned about receiving the word incorrectly. He said, "And some seed fell among thorns; and the thorns grew up and choked it, and it yielded no crop" (Mark 4:7). In verses 18 and 19 Jesus said, "Now these are the ones sown among thorns; they are the ones who hear the word, and the cares of this world, the deceitfulness of riches, and the desires for other things entering in choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful."

I dated several women, hoping to find a helpmate-someone who would be a suitable companion for me. My relationships were very shallow and temporary. When things began to go wrong, I would flee from the relationship. If I didn't flee, then they would flee.

I couldn't blame the devil for my sins, because I chose to sin. The devil tempted me and my friends influenced me, but I still made those wrong choices myself. The Bible says, "The wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in the Lord Jesus Christ" Romans 6:23. I knew the payment (wages) for my sin was soon to be-death.

Due to my compromising and hypocritical lifestyle, I soon fell right back from where I had come-the world.

New LAPD assignment
In time, I changed assignments at the Los Angeles Police Department and became an undercover Vice investigator. I worked every kind of vice you could imagine.

While working vice, I was actually being paid to drink on duty. After work, I went out with my friends. I eventually reached the point where I no longer wanted anything to do with the bar scene. (except now for PI work) I have no doubt the Lord put me in this vice assignment, for that reason.

I remember one day, as April 15th was approaching, I was preparing my taxes (back when interest was tax deductible.). As I viewed my VISA credit card accounts, I was struck with the realization that there was nothing to write off. It was all alcohol related! What a waste of time and money!

After about five years of being in a 'backslidden' state, I began to feel the Lord tugging at my heart. Thank God the Holy Spirit convicted me of my sins! Sometimes, after committing sins, I would cry from the guilt. It wasn't even fun anymore. The Lord showed me what I looked like inside, and I didn't like what I saw.

I didn't have strength to repent, but the Lord by His grace, gave me the strength I needed. I'm ever so mindful of the words of Christ when He said, "Without Me you can do nothing" (John 15:5). Paul echoed those words in Philippians 4:13, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Jesus said we are to be in the world, but not of the world. The Bible says, "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God" (Romans 12:2).

The 1991 Church shooting/repentance
I have had many near death experiences, and have had to make the terrible decision of using deadly force (shootings) on men too many times. But none would get my attention like the one in this Church parking lot.

When I confronted the gang members, I was immediately met with a hail of gunfire. This officer involved shooting was spiritually significant. The following will better explain why.

1st It wasn't the kind of shooting that lasts two or three seconds and then it's over. This shooting lasted a long time. Too long of a time, but long enough for me to see the big picture.

2nd This gun battle included laying down suppression fire in a defensive manner; offensive shooting on the move; walking and running, and skip shooting underneath cars.

3rd This shooting was in a church parking lot. Tell me God doesn't have a big way of bringing back slidden Christians (or non-believers) to repentance.

4th There were multiple suspects. All five looked alike, and it was difficult to discern my primarily assailant from the others involved.

5th The F.B.I. statistics say that officer involved shootings last anywhere from one half of a second (0.5) to one and a half seconds (1.5.) This one was a major running gun battle/shootout.

6th Regarding weapons, the worst two sounds you would here is; A bang when your expecting a click (accidental discharge,) or a click when your expecting a bang. I experienced the click. All the while the suspects rounds were being fired at me, I was out of rounds, and I had to reload another magazine into my pistol. It was like a monster in a movie that wouldn't go away.

7th There were many vehicles in this church parking lot, because a church service was still in progress . This multi story brick church was shot up, and there were bullet holes in many cars. One vehicle was entirely shot up.

8th There was a time when the suspect was as close as 6 feet from me, while he was still shooting at me. Only because of the grace of God, was I not struck with any bullets.

9th Glass fragments from the vehicles were distorting my view.

10th The last I saw my partner, was when he went down on the right front of our vehicle. I thought he was dead. Later after this shooting, I found him (my partner) kneeling down in a fetal position. He had a gun in one hand, and a radio in the other. He had not used either the gun, nor the radio... no not once. At first I was extremely angry with my partner. But now I see that the Lord 'allowed' him to freeze under fire, so that I would be forced to TRUST IN THE LORD, and not my partner.

11th Later during this shootout, I finally utilized the front sights of my handgun. As I aimed the front sight (which is vertical) on the enemy, while aligning it with the rear site (which is horizontal,) I saw the figure/ form of a cross (photo from LA Times.) This was the Lord reminding me of my own sins while I was fighting for my life. He died for my sins, and I was about to die as well. During this time my front sights were trained on my enemy, but my mind began to focus on the Lord Jesus. I called out to the Lord-asking Him to help me. After firing several more shots, I fatally wounded my assailant.

12th I thought it was the police officers 'acquired skill' known as the "sixth sense" which took us into this church parking lot. Below explains what that sixth sense was.

As the PRESS ENTERPRISE newspaper stated, "It re-affirmed my Christian faith."

As the deceased lie on the ground, I noticed a pool of blood. Within a few minutes his own blood had surrounded him. What immediately came to my mind was the precious blood of Jesus. I began to mourn over the sins I had committed during my back-slidden period. I became convicted because of my relationship with Jesus. I was in willful disobedience against Him. I realized that every time I sinned, I was stabbing Jesus in the back. It's one thing to sin, but after having claimed to have a relationship with Him, it was terrible. What are you going to do with Jesus they call the Christ?

I can't pat myself on the back for my tactics. It wasn't me who did well. It was the grace of God that saved me. I should have been dead, but the Lord was shielding me with His armor. My enemy got as close as eight feet away from my position-all the while shooting at me. Several vehicles had gun shot holes in them. One vehicle had every window shot out, and bullet holes in every door, through and through.

Later I learned that these gang bangers were planning on killing members of a rival gang who had recently accepted the Lord, and were inside the church attending a discipleship class. It's awesome to see how the Lord provides protection for His children. Only God knows what innocent blood might have been shed in the church if it weren't for that so called 'sixth sense' we police officers have. I now know that this 'sixth sense' is God's Holy Spirit speaking to our conscience, and directing our steps and actions.

We also discovered that the suspect was wanted for a murder which took place Halloween night (two weeks prior).

He had also robbed an off-duty LAPD Sergeant one year prior. He stabbed the Sergeant in the back while the Sergeant was withdrawing money from an ATM machine in LA. The Sergeant, critically wounded, then drew his concealed off-duty weapon and shot the suspect in the chest. The suspect was soon to be freed by the judicial system.

The average handgun round travels at a speed of fifteen hundred feet per second. It is evident that my name was not written on any of those bullets that night. As I look back at that event in my life, I realize that the Lord had a plan for me that day-to live!

This was God's wake up call for me. Shortly after this incident I repented and recommitted my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. I can now say with assurance that my name is written in the Lambs Book of Life.

I still sin, and I still fall short of the glory of God,. The Bible says, "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us" (1 John 1:8). The only difference now is that I'm a blood-washed sinner. I am forgiven. The very next verse in that passage says, "If we confess our sins, He [God] is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." I have come to know a God of forgiveness through the person of Jesus Christ.

Once a man or woman becomes a born again Christian, the Lord takes residence in their heart, and then begins to change them.

The first thing the Lord changed in me was my X-rated mouth. He then cleaned up my R-rated mouth. The Bible says, "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new" (2 Corinthians 5:17). As a born again Christian we receive a new birth, a newness of ourselves.

My desire now is to stay close to the Lord Jesus, obey His Word, stay in fellowship with other believers, share my faith, and to do my best not to compromise my walk with Him. I want to encourage those reading this to attend a Bible-teaching church weekly, and to stand tall for the Lord. Remember daily to put on the "whole armor of God" (Ephesians 6:13), just as you do your uniform and related equipment. As the saying goes, "Don't leave home without it."

As many of you know, it is difficult to find committed believers in the work place. The mind thought of many is ~ "It's just not cool to be a Christian." As I was growing in my faith, I often felt like an alien among my own brothers and sisters in law enforcement. At times it was difficult, but God was able to help me remain steadfast in my walk with Him. He'll help you too. I encourage you to stay in church, stay in fellowship, stay in God's word, and NEVER GIVE UP on your faith in Jesus.

God Bless You,

Chaplain Bill (former police officer)
Founder & President
Inland Police Officers Coalition, Inc.
http://www.ipocministries.org