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Bound by money
by Joyce C. Lock
Having been raised/programmed with all the principals of a virtuous
woman, Granny also lived in our home (a survivor of the Great Depression).
Additionally, with four siblings, eight to nine people lived in our
house at any given time. Parents being in mission work, we were also
the 'home away from home' for uncounted numbers of people and missionaries.
Every which way I turned, there were lessons on being frugal - for which,
funds always stretched just a little further. Also being first born,
I was the closest to a big brother there was in our home. It seemed
normal to carry over roles of caretaking/protector responsibilities
into adult life. Neither did it help that the man I married came from
a well-to-do family, for which we would not be accepted due to our financial
standing.
Having already come through an abusive relationship, I concluded that
if I just did all the right things, I'd never have to live like that
again. Unknowingly, I placed myself in captivity to legalism.
Thus, from a variety of sources and pressures, I became a work-aholic.
Religious training didn't afford the option of working outside the home.
But, it did provide perhaps every feasible thing imaginable to save
or make money while at home.
Among feats of putting in 16 hrs. per day for 16 yrs; I was a foster
parent to 12 children, a piano teacher, a baby-sitter, a professional
rebater, groceries were not bought without a double coupon (stores hated
to see me coming and I hated going - $369 worth of groceries for $53 & then to come home and match rebates was more work than any laundry
day I ever saw). I held yard sales, sold craft items, even collected
people's left over rummage. Being an idea person, there was no end of
ways on how to turn nickels into dimes. If my husband so much as bought
a 10 cent candy bar, he was dead meat - as 'spending money' just wasn't
there.
I could keep a column going on how to make a Kleenex last for two uses;
how to reuse scrap paper; how to make your own Christmas post cards
and name tags; how to use your talents to never have to buy presents
again; and, what to do with most every piece of trash - besides trash
it (to name a few).
Inspite of the recession, in every way, we appeared to have 3 times
our income. It was impossible to make a budget with funds that weren't
there and no one was the wiser. Through the years, what seemed never
ending was being slammed (financially and otherwise) to such a degree
that - before we could get up from one crisis, another would hit. And,
no matter what image we could portray, it was never enough to become
worthy in my husband's family's eyes.
Then came the day a friend, from our church, offered to do some remodeling
for us. He needed the money, and we could get projects done due to the
cheep rate he offered. We'd also seen that he was capable of doing good
work.
It was a long story that ended with the interior of our house looking
like a construction demolition sight, leaving us; $30,000 in debt for
mostly destroyed materials, with an estimate of $240,000 in repairs
and replacements, attorneys who wanted our case but said 'you can't
get blood our of a turnip', an insurance agent and an insurance adjuster
who lied & bailed on us, and an unsafe house to live in. In addition,
my husband's 15 yr. job was going down the tubes due to the administration's
theft of funds. Income, hours, and benefits were being cut left and
right. It wasn't even possible to file bankruptcy, as we couldn't afford
the price of rent.
The hurt was much deeper than material things. It attacked my identity,
took away my cover for a low self-esteem, and left me feeling broken
and defiled that such a person we'd cared for, ministered to, and helped
had done such a thing.
16 yrs. of labor was gone. I was 16 yrs. older than when we began. Being
emotionally beyond spent, I just couldn't do it again. I would have
been institutionalized before I'd have gotten up to try just one more
time. Finally completely defeated (I guess it takes more to bring down
the strong), there was nothing left to do but get on my knees and ask
God to give me something to hang on to - as there was nothing left inside
of me. I couldn't hang on any more.
God took me down memory lane, reminding me of past experiences ... how
we got married anyway, not having found a place we could afford to rent
and how God had provided a nice place (based upon our income) within
two weeks thereafter ... how when we moved to another state and couldn't
find a place to rent that would allow children, he made a way for us
to purchase a house we wouldn't have thought we could afford (sellers
even helped finance the closing) ... how when we moved into houses that
still echoed once we moved in - God filled them. God promised there
would be another house, bigger still yet, and that He would do that
for us again.
Always knowing in my head that we couldn't even breathe without God,
I had found it difficult to give God all the credit in my heart - being
that I'd worked sooooo hard! I saw how God had been there when I hadn't
recognized it as Him. And, I believed Him when He said He would do it
again. (After all, God had a good track record.) So, this time, I did
an about face and decided to let Him do it. All along, I'd been carrying
a weight that wasn't mine to carry and I was finally giving it back
to God. No more ideas, at all. I didn't want that load anymore!!!
With that promised and settled in my heart, suddenly anger overwhelmed
me. Once before, already being active in church, the question had come
to mind, "What does Satan think we would do if he just left us
alone? What is he so afraid of that he just keeps picking on us?" I didn't know the answer but determined I was going to find out and
get even. I would take care of God's business and let Him take care
of mine. Whatever God had showed me to do, that I'd put off to a better
day - I would do. Whatever, God showed me to do now - I would do. Whatever
God showed me to do next, I would do. I would do, and do, and do, and
do until I found what Satan was so afraid of. And, when I found it,
I would do it. Then, Satan would be sorry he ever messed with me!
Suddenly I realized that nothing I'd ever learned in any church, great
or small, had taught me how to overcome these battles. When attempting
to seek council from those thought to be spiritual, I would be shunned.
In time, I came to understand that they didn't know the answers. Thus,
I'd learned to suffer such attacks from Satan silently. Verses preached
hadn't worked either. They must not mean what people think they mean.
Evidently, only God knows how to defeat Satan. I determined that if
I sought God's will and instruction on every given matter, it would
be impossible to fail - as Satan can't defeat God. Therefore, I decided
to erase my training and start over (as a little child, ye must be born
again to enter the Kingdom of God) and bring my every question to God.
(I know that's not the way man teaches it - but follow on.)
The law made nothing perfect,
but the bringing in of a better hope did,
by which we draw nigh unto God.
When verses spoke to me, THEN that was God speaking. And since man's
interpretation didn't work, I would research God's word for definition
of those words ... soon learning that God is His own best commentator.
Having begun seeing the Bible in a new way, I'd search like a detective,
looking for How-To's (calling them "Master's Tools"). There's
a promise of God's Word not returning void. So, whenever we'd be advertising
a program or church event, I'd look for a supporting verse to use in
the advertisement.
Then, without proper tools to find a verse I needed, I spent two weeks,
14 hrs. per day, searching. I couldn't give up, as that would mean Satan
had won. God promises if we seek Him with our whole heart, He'll reveal
Himself to us. Suddenly the Bible came to life! I could both hear and
feel the words! For the first time, I understood the Bible! It spoke
to me in my language!!!
For the next several months, I wouldn't put God's word down. There where
so many promises, Master's tools, and lessons to be learned - all over
the place!
It was so neat!!! God's instruction works! Whatever big or little that
I sought God's will on, He blessed! I learned the real meaning of "except
the Lord build the house, those who build are laboring in vain - to
not take the name of the Lord in vain." I also learned to let Him
build mine. God provided and continued to provide tools for me to find
deeper things in the Bible, as I was ready to receive them.
In the process of learning forgiveness at a level few have ever known,
I came to realize that I was responsible for what happened to my house,
that I hadn't sought God's will on it first. God also taught me to know
when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em in terms of being manipulated
by people who take advantage. Seeking God in all things became my choice
- as only God knows where Satan will be lurking next. Step by step,
letting go of things I had been doing to keep financially afloat, I
began taking God with me to the grocery store & wherever else I
went.
The MOST wonderful thing, in addition to all the things I continued
to learn, is this. I grew in a personal relationship, a moment by moment
walk with God, engulfed in His love ... and finally came to terms in
that I was already accepted by God the moment I received Him into my
heart. I am royalty, an heir to the throne, a child of the KING!
In regard to finances, I later realized that Satan had been steeling
from us all through the years - even in areas I hadn't recognized. Having
once given myself too much credit as perhaps one of the most prepared
for being frugal in the world, there were areas I hadn't even seen.
Only God can defeat Satan every time!
It took 3 months. just to clean up the construction mess enough for
our house to be safe, though it never got repaired. God gave my husband
a new job (at 3 times our income) (at the very same company who'd promised
him employment 15 yrs. earlier) and made provisions for finances to
get straightened out - one step at a time. However, we ran into obstacles
every time we attempted to thereafter hire help & not wanting to
start another project without God's blessings, restored finances just
got saved instead.
Additionally, just before God replaced lost inheritance and other things
that had been stolen from us, He gave me this verse. "And I will
restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the cankerworm,
and the caterpiller, and the palmerworm, my great army which I sent
among you. Joel 2:25" I had no idea what any part of that verse
meant at that time. But, I knew God had just promised to replace ALL
that Satan had stolen from us throughout the years. Tears flowed with
Joy at the awesome love of God! It was more than I'd hoped for and more
of God than I had ever dared dream.
It has been 7 years since this part of my spiritual journey began. We've
been free of financial bondage for a very long time now. And if not
really that long, perhaps the memory has faded. God answered me in the
joy of my heart. He set me free! I haven't seen anything since that
was enough temptation to ever go in debt again. And, the growth with
God has been wonderful! As painful as the transition was, it was well
worth getting to know Him in a more personal way.
The house God promised, that day on my knees, we recently paid cash
for (paid in full). Not only did we get three times our income, but
again we live in a house that is three times greater than our income
would afford & is more than we ever expected to have in our lifetime,
only by the grace of God! Over 3,300 sq. ft., I have no doubt but what
God will fill it again. God was more interested in cleaning the inside
of the cup first - making it healthy and whole. And when that's done,
He owns it all!!!
Having learned appreciation for the verse "he learned obedience
by the things he suffered" ... when our thoughts aren't lined up
with who God is and His perfect will, we're not in our right mind. Everything
God asks of us will prove to be for our benefit, every hard lesson learned
will turn to glory. The battles are in the mind. To take Satan by force
and get our mind back, we have to start all over and come as a little
child. The greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven are the children. In all
things, God is our strength and OUR GOD REIGNS!
May you find the Peace that only He can give.
In His name,
Joyce C. Lock
He that findeth his life shall lose it:
and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Matthew 10:39
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