Delivered From Drugs and Homosexuality

I am 28 years old and currently a student at a Bible Institute. At the age of four I was diagnosed with Cerebral Palsy, which in my case effects my walking, and balance. I am the oldest of four and the only boy. I never had a real father figure because my dad was always working.

As I grew older, I felt rejected, lonely, unloved, and not able to fit in with others. At the age of twelve I became curious about other guys and girls but more toward guys. Today, as I look back about four to five years, I can remember the times of depression, self-rejection, rejection from others and loneliness. Around age twenty-two, I met a girl who seemed to like me for who I was. We became a combination of close friends and boy/girl friend. Later, I discovered from her parents that she was involved in an inter-racial relationship. You can imagine how I felt thinking she was using me as a cover-up to her parents.

This situation hit at a bad time with my struggling with attractions to the same sex, depression, and rejection. I decided to lay off the ideas of finding a companion and spend some time trying to find myself.

About a year later, I became involved in telecommunications. I was still confused about life. I started working at a local video store just to keep busy. There was a guy there I had been conversing with through telecommunications. I began to share my confusion with him. One night he stopped by the store and gave me a few diskettes.

This was my first time to meet him in person. I was hungry for people to hang around but when I looked at him there was a strong eye contact, which was a strange feeling at first. He never told me what was on the diskettes. They contained gay computer pornography. I won't go further into the friendship with this person because it's not important. As I drew deeper into the gay lifestyle and pornography, my mind was more and more on sex and I began to lust over any young guy. I went to bars almost every other weekend to take my mind off things. Relationships faltered, both gay and straight.

A close friend of mine knew of my messed up life. She invited me to go to church with her. I was very hesitant at first but agreed. That night was such a wonderful night of discovery. The people there greeted me with open arms and hugs, people who never even knew me. This was on a Wednesday night.

The following Sunday night I went with this friend of mine again. There was a sweet peaceful feeling there. A feeling I had never felt before. The peace was so strong I cried in relief and lifted my hands to the Lord. When I met the Lord, He filled me with peace and just loved me like everyone else.

As of March 1996, I am four years old in the family of God. Today, I am free from pornography, alcohol and homosexual desires. I do not believe a person is born gay. A homosexual is kind of like an alcoholic; it's a sexual addiction for guys. I don't speak just to homosexuals but anyone who is into drugs, drinking and sexual activities. You can try as hard as you want to break free but you will never succeed on your own. There is one way and one way only and that is through Christ. I've been there.
During my four years as a Christian, I have had my share of down falls but I keep pressing on for Jesus. As of this day, I must crucify the old nature on a daily basis and thank God for another day of walking in victory!

(Name Withheld)